''At the start, I found it extremely difficult to let my guard down to be vulnerable. I didn’t want my loss to take a place in my thoughts and feelings I wanted to keep it at a distance as to not feel pain. I learnt techniques to be able to dip in and out, at my choice and timing, and were able to also sit and stay with my feelings when they occurred naturally, instead of shutting them away. Resources and books were also suggested on other people’s journeys which helped me conceptualize my feelings. I was able to feel connected again, and as much as the pain never really goes away, I can sit with the pain and re-direct it into a more positive way. I have found ways to honor my father’s existence on this earth, and what that means to us as family, and to maintain in my mind, the good he did for everyone he met. I was also able to explore things that weren’t also so rosey, perhaps difficult discussions we might have had. The pain of the loss, in my heart has never left me, but I have been taught, and more importantly understand, that the loss isn’t the end. He still exists and his presence is still felt. Every day. ''